thought you were different

i thought you were different
i thought you were special
but you're nothing new
nah you're as old as the devil

you took me for granted
as i was willing to try
but now you'll regret what you've done
as you watch me slip by

you made me a bit mad
so i flipped you the finger
and your face turned to ice
as i let my hand linger

youre the one who told me
you'd always be mine
but i guess they should have told me
it was just another line

they told me they liked you
because thats what friends do
but not even they
had any fucking clue

now its me in a ball,
eating chocolates and tears
because for you my darling
i set aside all my fears

trust is a must
and i took your advice
i gave you every last piece of my heart
even the last slice

and what is it that you do
you tear me apart
so hence this cheesy rhyming poem
you, dearest darling, you broke my heart

i liked

I liked resting my head on his chest and listening to the rain outside the window, sleeping away as the world went by. I liked sitting on his bed for hours playing video games with him and pretending to lose so the next day his friends could tease him. I liked taking a shower with him. I liked swimming for hours with him. I liked when he picked me up in the middle of night and took me for tea because I was craving it. I liked his midnight visits. I liked talking on the phone with him for hours. I liked daydreaming together. I liked when he called me that one day, and cried. I liked throwing mnms onto the freeway from a truckbed with him. I liked singing with him. I liked dancing with him. I liked when he told me about all the places we'd go, even if we both knew we'd never afford it. I liked when he said sorry. I liked when he brought me flowers.
I liked all of them, but I wish they were all with you.

trip a wire
fell down hard
youre a liar
eyes are barred
look you up
hook it up
but you dont stick
because youre stuck
run in circles
im sleeping in purple
this is my lift
ill give you a gift
and make you think
youre on a trip
comon lil mama
nah im no drama
but you better call me something else
now im your wifey, your baby mama

the last shoe you throw at me

How many times do i have to face this demon inside of you
always i love mommy
but when your demon awakes
i dont know what to do

how many shoes do you have to throw at me
until i realize i have to get out
how many pushes and hair pulls do i have to be subjected to
until it finally gets through

how many hoes and sluts and whores do you need to call me
before i decide to take off
i dont know anymore who to be
because im scared to leave
would you call me a diamond in the rough?

if i go ill have to figure out a way
to afford for a place to stay
and id have to buy a car
and pay for insurance
and there will be no more shining star

glitter is gone
and sunshine is done
time to be a big girl
because mommy thinks shes won



*just because its written does not mean everything is 100% factual. Posts are subject to fabrication, exaggeration, and of course, honesty.

A blip from a short story I wrote a LONG time ago

August 2009


She texted him to meet her in the library. Speech prepared, she waited. A half hour later he walks up to the door. His hands tremble as they grasp the door handle. It squeaks and her eyes meet his. Silence. he enters and she says "hey. Haven’t seen you in a while. "

"I know," he says. "Sorry ive been really busy with work."

That’s okay.

He moves closer to her, as if to hug her,

She refuses him and says, “Look, I just wanted to tell you I’m seeing someone.” She sighs. And continues.

He makes me feel loved, he doesn’t show up in the middle of the night. He never breaks his promises, he’s kind to me. So, I’m asking you to please, just please don’t call, text, or come see me anymore. Don’t go to our classroom and expect for me to meet you.

She smiles, her eyes fill up with water.

“I’ve moved on, she lies. He makes me feel like you did, and I know, it’s a surprise, so soon. I guess God thought I deserved a nice boy after what you did to me. After what you’ve put me through.

And I mean it, I m not saying goodbye see you later. I could never be with you after these last couple months. I’m saying goodbye forever.

He chokes. He knows shes lieing but he believes in her willpower so he doesn’t fight. She wishes he would.

He says quietly, as if almost a whisper and a crack of the voice, okay.

He turns and opens the door, it’s closing.

She panics and screams

Really? Is that all you’ve got, you give up that easy?!

He turns and goes to her. Catching the door with his hand, she gets up. He hugs her and sits her on the table behind him. They kiss. For the first time. They kiss with tears flowing out of their eyes and he stands between her legs pulling her closer to him as if to make up for the distance. 





Or!!!

She texts him to come meet her in the library. He says "I’ll be there soon." 15 minutes later she gets a call. "Hey I have to go to class sorry."

"Oh okay, um that’s fine. Another time."

"I want to come see you tonight. I’m going to come see you tonight. I want to see you tonight."

He never shows.

My pretty red lily

Im running through a field of lilies and i trip over a few, there are five of them. There's a red one a blue one a yellow one a green one and a pink one. I stick my face into them and inhale sharply. I like the red one. I pick it. And then I pick the other ones and I think, what the fuck am I doing? I only needed one and now guilt is seeping into me. But Im running with them. And im looking around and the field of lilies is so large, it rolls over hills and stretches on for miles. There's a forest nearby but it's burning down and the sun is setting and I smile because its all so beautiful. I get up and now im running again with my flowers in hand. I drop the green one because green isn't romantic. I drop the pink one because pink isnt fulfilling. i drop the yellow one because yellow is too bright. I drop the blue one because, like the ocean, it'll come washing up again. And now I've got my red lily and I don't feel so guilty anymore but I want to drop it too so I can make things right in my head but it screams no. Im still running past the hills and through the forest thats burning down all around me but Im happy and smiling because its just me and my lily now, me and my other half.
I walked out to the edge of the granite overhang and looked below at the lilies I frocliked in earlier that day. Streching across my view was a large colorful valley of significant beauty. Not striking, but significant. It was six miles long and five miles wide. Along the length of the valley, just below the rolling hills, runs a winding stream that courses through stretches of open lilyfield and thick forests-old forests, with trees that stood hundreds of feet high. They are all burnt down now with their jagged edges charred at the top. Now they look more like nails that were pounded through the Earth as if to hold the earth and the heavens together. I glanced behind me and took in the gaping entrance of my granite castle. It's arches loomed over me and made me feel small. The only color I see is the red of my lily.

I know this.

I know this.

I know that the river runs one way.

 I know that the leaves fall and the grasses die on the Autumn day.

Lust builds a fire which cannot be put out.

But love, it builds a bridge, it holds our hands, til' we find the way out.

And all that's left is purity.

I know this.

I hate children

Everywhere I go, I am haunted by you.
I went to our room yesterday. It was locked so I sat down on the ground in the hallway. I sat there and thought about you, and me, and how that one class changed my life. No. That one room. I sat motionless for about an hour. Yime flies when you're hearts lost in space. I got up an peeked in through the window of the door. I rested my head on the glass and stood there for a while. I looked at the chair I sat in, and the one you sat in, just diagonal from mine. I looked to the board and saw the professor marching around in her tight pants with her ass begging to climb out. I looked back at our spot and there it all was. I was talking to Ally and Lauren, and you were staring at me. You were staring at my legs, my thighs, my ass. You listened to what I told Aly and Lauren about my life, about boys. You listened and you smiled because somehow you knew, you would shatter my world. And then I came to. I was still in the dimlylit hallway with my head forehead against the glass and there were stains on the carpet. And i took a breath and walked down the stairs and out the door. I got into my car and drove away. And now I know that you aren't haunting me. I'm haunting myself. It's the passion that lingers, the lust, it kills. I don't think you're around every corner anymore, I don't picture you driving by. Because you're at work all day, or at school, and you're at the bar and at a party getting wasted. You are not here not anywhere near.

AV Flox baby the NEW definition of soulmates

We’re two rivers that have met, different but now flowing in the same direction. We don’t know what will break our trajectory -- or if anything will. It doesn’t matter: eventually, we’ll all feed the sea. The beauty of romance isn’t in an elusive forever just as the beauty of humanity isn’t in an elusive heaven. It’s in the fact that right now, at this moment, it’s me and it’s you.

spinning
...
top.
catch me
before i
drop.
hmmmm ticking
spinning
spirals
aswirling
mmmm
lick lick tick tick
dont know the difference anymore
spinn so fast
blends into a blur
ahh
finally tipped.
over the edge
and im still
ahh im still.
no more spinning
its all clear
wont you still hold me
my dear.

My little Frankenstein

I made you.
I made your lungs, your toes, your itty bitty freckles,
but most importantly I made your heart.
I gave you your soul
and then I stitched you all up.
I touched your fingers and it sent the spark
of love through your heart
and it gave you life
my little Frankenstein.