I wonder

I wonder what effect I could have on a person if I shared my story with them. Could I move them, or change their life? maybe I could shift their perspective a bit or rock their world for a moment. I have a vision where I place a scroll into someone's bag and they find it and read it. It has all my secrets, hopes, fears, dreams, etc. It is the most honest representation I have ever given of myself. And then, I see them reject it. They think it's made up, or pathetic, they crumble it up or rip it into tiny pieces. They get angry at the scroll. I become ashamed and regret trying to share.

Deep down I'm scared that people won't accept me for who I truly am. If I can't get a stranger to accept me, to love me without judgement, how can I get someone that knows me to see past all the shameful things I've done? I know this is silly, but I've never been completely honest with anyone in my entire life. It's starting to eat at me. That's why I'd like to meet someone new. I can start from scratch and try really hard to be completely honest with them.

I wonder what would happen if I shed my anger, my fear, my insecurity, my anxiety, my pessimism, my guilt. I wonder what would happen if I shed my mask.

Hair

The hum of my air purifier puts me into a trance. I stare at my purple ceiling, head rested against the wall, I pull my hair up over me and let it fall over my face in small whisps. I remember how he used to hide in my hair. He would run his fingers through it, ignoring all the knots, and wrap it around his face as he lay against my chest. He would smell it and groan like a kid in a candy store, can't wait to take a bite! He told me he loved the smell, even if I hadn't washed it for days. He told me my smell was intoxicating. I want to cut all my hair off and forget he ever existed inside of it.